9 Ways You Can Choose Yourself Today

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By Charlene Ogu

Waiting to be picked? Waiting for someone to give to give you permission to do or be something?

Waiting to be chosen may have been applicable when resources were limited and less was available to us but now with all that we have access to, the idea of waiting to be chosen in order to do or be something has become a cultural myth.

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This is the age of technology were anything is really possible. Breaking out on your own venture has never been easier. No longer are women waiting for a record labels to chose them to produce music, with Soundcloud they are beginning to choose themselves. No longer are young actresses waiting for roles that tell stories they want to see, they’re making them. And that’s not to say it will be easy, or work out as planned but the intention and willingness to take responsibility for the journey will pave a path of freedom.

And if you’re in the position where being chosen does seem like the option you want to go for, then choose yourself by putting in the work.


Keep your boundaries clear in relationships for the sake of your spiritual, mental and emotional health. It’s not selfish to define your boundaries. Stop accepting the unacceptable in exchange for someone else’s version of love.

don’t be a pick me girl

This one is for the single ladies. Don’t choose someone at the expense of your values and beliefs. Especially in terms of love and romance, it can be difficult to not become despondent when that partner you dreamed about, prayed for hasn’t shown up. ‘Single’ isn’t a waiting period, it’s an opportunity to choose you and invest in yourself. Instead of waiting for someone to pick you in love, love yourself. Take yourself out on a date! And express all the love you have to give by choosing someone to love, in your kindness and generosity to a sister, a friend, a family member, a stranger on the tube. Choose yourself by planting seeds of love, knowing that it will blossom and bless you.


Perfect is an illusion a cruel one at that. It’s paralysing and unachievable. Choose yourself now and don’t wait till you achieve ‘perfect’. When you begin to accept more of yourself, you begin to discover it becomes easier to accept others in their imperfection.

Self-acceptance is the only remedy to perfectionism. To allow yourself to be on a journey, to be present and accept what is. Sometimes we think we can achieve ‘perfect’ by comparison. Comparison is a form of self-rejection. Every time we compare we choose someone else’s talent and gifts, the unattainable over what we have available to us. There is only one you, one life, one body, so choose it!


Trust your experience. So many us don’t know how to trust our experience because we’re not aware of it. We’re not aware of how we feel, and how we feel about what we feel. If something doesn’t feel right it’s okay to trust your gut. Your feelings are valid. They may not feel justified, but acknowledge them, they usually are. Talk to someone you trust about them. That’s usually the best way to get confirmation and clarity.

There is a living spirit inside you, practise listening to it.

find your tribe

Surround yourself with people who choose you with their love, praise and affirmation and are intentional about their relationship with you. Ask for help and be honest about your needs.


You deserve to discover the depths of your potential. Excellence is not the same as perfection. Work at being great, building up your strengths and working on your flaws. The best way to do this is to build an awareness of yourself. Accept what is, learn and do better next time. This goes for relationships, work ect. Choose building character over appealing to everyone. Your opinion of yourself should matter the most. Make choices that you want to reflect your character and when you don’t, don’t worry, the goal isn’t to be impeccable it’s to do and be a little better than you were yesterday.

be compassionate

Notice the negative self talk that is on repeat in your mind when you make a bad decision, a mistake, when something unfortunate happens and choose to be kind and generous to your self. The negative self talk usually sounds something like ‘I would rather die before’, ‘I’m so stupid’, ‘I can’t do this’, ‘this is never going to work’ ect. Your words are important and so are your thoughts, don’t allow a breeding ground of shame to be created in the mist of difficulties.

Life is messy,and sometimes things are more complicated than we would like them to be. Choose yourself when things are messy, when you’re insecure and imperfect.

INVEST IN the one who chose you

Make time to spend time with God in prayer and/or worship. The more you discover about him, the more he begins to reveal why he chose you, how loved you are and your mission in this life.

And you discover that when you choose you, you choose others, you choose authentic love which is practical, edifying, purifying. You can only make a true gift of yourself when you discover that you are in fact a precious gift.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

John 15:16